Posts Tagged ‘Independent’

Worries of Tomorrow!

23/02/2010

I would simply introduce myself as: A Saudi female, who aims for a better tomorrow.

In few weeks, I will be on my way to the United States of America to pursue my post-graduate studies.
Yes, I have traveled before to many countries, including USA. And yes, I have traveled alone. Yet, I am scared! Although I try to act excited and strong, but deep inside me, I am afraid. “Living Alone” for five years, away from my family and friends is a new experience, I knew it will happen one day, but I kept denying it.

Living in Saudi Arabia is nothing like anywhere else! Being surrounded by all kind of walls that keeps you from being yourself and having your own believes, principles, and thus, identity. In Saudi Arabia, your identity is derived from your belonging to a certain family, social class, or “tribe”! Being different is usually not accepted. However, there are always exceptions.

The new thing in the experience of living abroad is facing yourself with your reality, there are no parents to guide you. There is no family, or a society that you’d be thinking: “What would they say”. There is only You and Yourself!

“Having to follow what is common in your community for your whole life is easy, as you don’t have to think about what is Right or Wrong. You just need to follow others. ” a friend of mine says. “Am afraid I won’t trust myself” she adds. “I don’t know myself, I don’t know what do I really believe in, what do I accept or refuse, what are my abilities, I don’t know the real (ME), all I know is a life I am (used to living), and a person I became because I had to!, I had no choice in being (this)” – Pointing to herself.

I am not afraid of this because I was never forced to do, believe in or become someone, I chose to be “Me”. However, I am afraid to face the whole world alone and have no one to rely on. I am spoiled – “Dad’s little girl!”. My father, like many other Saudi men, likes to do everything for us, as he wants us only to study and care for our future without worrying about anything else. I am not sure if it was because he wants to, or because it would be hard for me to do anything being a female. Even the procedures for earning my scholarship, I tried to visit the female section at the Ministry of Higher Education, but because they can’t do anything and they know nothing, I had to have my father go to the men’s section. And to finish my papers at my work, I have to wait for the reply of the men’s section, so it’s faster to let my father check with them directly, and likewise goes everything else!

Depending “FULLY” on myself, is what I want to experience.  Although it is hard, it is beneficial.

I am certain that if I, and my friend, were raised anywhere else, we would only worry about being apart of our families and friends. That’s why a question that keeps hurting me is: when will we -especially females- have a “Normal” life..? We just want it to be “Normal”.

By: Najla A. Barasain